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【案例1】
原文:Environmental protection has more and more gotten the attention of the countries around the world, and the best way of environmental protection has become the focus of the debate。
修改:Environmental protection has drawn increasing attention of the countries around the world, and people have been debating about the best way to protect the environment。
解析:
(1)“受到越来越多的关注”原文用has more and more gotten the attention,是典型的中文直译,不符合英文的行文习惯,应改成has drawn increasing attention。
(2)has become the focus of the debate即“成为讨论的焦点”,但更地道的英文表达可以人为主语,如:...people have been debating about the best way to protect the environment。
【案例2】
原文:Gradually improved public awareness of environmental protection and insufficient environmental protection measures have been very difficult to reverse the trend of ecological and environmental degradation。
修改:Although more people have become aware of environmental problems and have taken measures to protect the environment, the trend of ecological and environmental degradation is hard to be reversed。
解析:原句英文脱胎于中文句式“……的措施很难逆转生态环境恶化的趋势”,但直译出来的英文却是典型的Chinglish。修改版本调整了整句话的句式,把原本过长的主语变成了状语从句,并用the trend做主句的主语,让句式更平衡,表达更西化。
在托福写作备考时,要特别注意英语表达和汉语表达的差别,不要盲目照搬中文的句式。只有多多输入优质的英语原文,并留心比较中文与英文的行文思路和表达上的差异,才能有效避免中式英文。
(来源:沪江英语 作者:Eileen)
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